Pretty cool, hunh? It`s a tagline from (say it with me, kidz,) CARRIE, but it`s a perfect fit for this, the seventh chapter of the series that is the Energizer-Bunny of supernatural serial killer sagas.
I want to make it known right up front: I did just as much bitching and groaning as anyone else when I saw most of these movies upon their original release. Even so, you gotta admit...nobody ever went to a FT13 movie expecting to be surprised, right? You got Jason, you got stupid teens (all being played by people about twenty years older), and you have sharp implements of every shape and size. Stir and slash well, and voila! Fresh Girl-And-Guy Gazpacho!
Okay, that was a NASTY image. But ANYWAY, since Jason became something of a living dead anomaly some chapters back, it was only a matter of time before the victim`s gallery got the upper hand in this respect...well, at least one of them. That would be Tina (Lar Park Lincoln) in this case, a girl who, unlike dear Carrie White, doesn`t exactly have to run to the school library to look up "telekinesis." Especially after using it on her darling dad, who at the beginning of the move, picks the wrong night to take his asshole pills and shove his wife and daughter around.
Fast-forward some years later, and poor, traumatized Tina is under the "care" of psychiatrist , Dr. FeelYouUpGood, er, I mean Dr. Crews (as if THAT name were any less obvious.) You know what a skeevy character this guy is since Terry Kiser is playing him, and doing such a damn good job, you`d think they were spritzing him down with Ghostbusters Slime between takes. The `good` doctor doesn`t exactly have Tina`s best interests in mind, and knowing that stress accellerates her powers, he`s seems determined to do everything short of dumping pots of Folgers down her throat to keep her amped up.
Well, Tina has a nightmare one night, dreaming that she`s communicating with her late old man down at the bottom of the lake near the house where she sent him. She uses her powers to revive him...well someone she THINKS is him, but guess who`s coming to dinner as our guest carver? Yep, Pamela Voorhees` little boy is back from the watery grave where Tommy Jarvis sent him in Part 6, and now he`s being played for the first time by the guy most fans consider the "Olivier" of Jasons, Kane Hodder!
Okay, so if you`re a snob, you`re probably sneering down your nose that this is what passes in this series for `originality`. (And if you don`t stop, I`m gonna bite the fucker off for ya!) But I doubt it...since movie snobs probably don`t come here, anyway. So now that we`ve established that it`s just you and me, I can say it--I thought Part Seven ROCKED, which is why I chose it as the first out of the series for review.
Okay, so the acting isn`t Oscar-worthy, there`s very little nudity and not as much bangedy-bangedy going on as in other parts of the series, but I love the premise, and the way John Carl Buechler pulls it off. (And okay, you got me, I`m biased: I`m a huge Buechler fan from way back in his days with Charles Band at Empire Pictures/Full Moon Films).
Plus, since he`s an effects guy, Buechler makes sure to include more than enough cool gags to keep the fans oohing, ahhing and entertained. (Though what I wouldn`t give to see an industrial-strength, uncut version of this puppy!)
AND if that weren`t enough, Kane Hodder literally makes his bones as Jason his first time out, especially getting to spend more time UNMASKED than ever before. (And believe me, when it comes to UGLY, even the Hunter from PREDATOR might want to rethink any planned plastic surgery.)
Even with about 85% less tits, you still get terror, trauma and telekinesis! For a FT13 flick, that`s almost more than we could ever hope to expect. In fact, things wouldn`t get to be THIS cool again with the Crystal Lake gang until JASON X.