Monday, December 5, 2011

The Beast in Space (1980)

aka La Bestia nello spazio
Writer/Director: Alfonso Brescia
Cast: Sirpa Lane, Marina Hedman, Venantino Venantini
Severin Films / Colour / 1.85:1 / 16×9 / 92 mins / Not Rated / Reg 1 (USA) (NTSC) / Italian Dolby Digital 2.0 / English Subtitles / PURCHASE

Spaceship Captain Madison has been assigned to a crew to find and retrieve a very valuable and scarce precious metal from a distant planet. Before he leaves, he stops by the neighborhood watering hole where he meets his soon-to-be nemesis after he fights him to protect a sexy woman (Lane, star of The Beast aka La Bête) he just met. He has the sexy time with the woman and she tells him of a peculiar reoccurring dream of hers. Of course he blows it off because he’s only half listening anyway because he just got laid (right guys?).


He meets his crew and finds out that one of them is the hot Lt. Sondra Richardson, the chick he just had sex with. With the “Oh, it’s you” moment out of the way, they embark on their journey. On the way, the nemesis returns and shoots them out of the sky. Luckily they land on the planet they were headed for. Upon their arrival, they encounter a HUGE robot that scares them back into their spaceship. But they won’t be discouraged!They regroup and head out to find the valuable metal. Along the way, Sondra notices that the planet is the exact setting of her nightmare! Soon they get lost and end up in a domicile of some kind and meet their host, the ruler of the planet. But along the way, they begin to feel weird. Dizzy, euphoric, even horny! Their host explains that the entire planet and its inhabitants are mind controlled by a powerful GIANT psychic robot that is fueled by the same metal they are looking for. Unknown to them, they are already being controlled and begin to have orgies and forget their objective.This is my first entry into the world of “spaghetti sci-fi” and I hope they are all this cool. I was blown away by how fun this was to watch. I don’t normally like science-fiction, but there was so much weirdness, nudity, sex and bad special effects, how could I not love this one? The action was constant, as was the nudity and weirdness. Women getting raped by half man, half fauns and giant robots… what’s more fun than that?The wonderfully bad special effects had me guffawing (that’s right, I guffawed!). The wandering robot had the body of armor like a knight and a box head with lights on it. The robot’s henchmen were dudes painted silver with pageboy haircuts. Everything from the fight scenes to the laser gun fights were fantastically entertaining. Who would have thought of putting sci-fi and sexploitation together? The Italians, that’s who! If you don’t pick this up on April 29th, a huge all-powerful robot will anally rape you with his large metal phallus until it rusts… or he could just control your mind, but the rusty butt rape sounds like more fun.

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